I hope to only do these post stroke updates while I’m recovering. I don’t want to be known as the old stroke lady forever. I hope that this helps if you’ve had a stroke or if you haven’t-It could change your perspective on your own life and blessings I think.
A month ago on the 18th I had my first stroke. It was scary and crazy but I never would've guessed it was a stroke.
Here's what I've been dealing with this month:
-Hard things everyone does without thinking but they are really hard: getting out of bed, getting the right amount of sleep (not to much and not too little-just right), swallowing, not crying at everything and anything, walking, loading the dish washer, doing laundry, keeping a clean house, doing things alone without a nurse or spotter right there or close by, not taking a nap every few hours, using a knife to cut for snacks and meals, stairs going up and down but especially down, saying the right words with a tongue that's super heavy and having lots of things you want to say.
-Hard things everyone does without thinking but they are really hard: getting out of bed, getting the right amount of sleep (not to much and not too little-just right), swallowing, not crying at everything and anything, walking, loading the dish washer, doing laundry, keeping a clean house, doing things alone without a nurse or spotter right there or close by, not taking a nap every few hours, using a knife to cut for snacks and meals, stairs going up and down but especially down, saying the right words with a tongue that's super heavy and having lots of things you want to say.
-Carpe diem folks!!! YOLO. How ever you want to say it live your life and love it!!
-Medical bills are cramping my style.
-Lots of odd pains, and my face and right hand tingle and burn.
-If I get too much sleep or too little I feel real groggy all day or head aches all day long and need to take a few naps through out the day.
-I’m SO emotional. I feel like my feelings and thoughts are so heightened right now. I think so much, one thing leads to another and I’m ugly crying in a flash.
-Still feel really weak and tired all the time but the soreness and pain gets better every day
-Doing things require LOTS of concentration so i’m constantly sticking my tongue out to think and focus real hard.
-I think I feel and think like a little old lady. I constantly worry if I'm going to fall, my body aches and if I over do it-boy do I feel it the next day.
-Lots of worry and stress over medical things: bills, doctor visits, therapy. I have so many questions for the doctor I hope we have like 2 hours to talk. Haha
-Working on a few things with fine motor skills and trying to slowly build my strength back but I’ve been so blessed. It could’ve turned out so much worse!!!
-Passed off physical therapy just working on occupational therapy. I don’t mind, some of my homework is to play typing games/exercises, writing thank you notes and baking a cake. DEAL!
-Some times I sit down and I feel completely fine for a brief moment. No pain, just like old times. It makes me sad, but hopeful. Hopeful I will always feel that way again. I want more of those moments!
-Still hate sleeping and have the hardest time falling asleep/staying asleep. Why don’t our beds have rails like the hospital and I should have a nurse watching me 24/7 right? hahaha
-Grateful. For good people. Kindness. Olivia, Dallin and my Mom. Our Heavenly Father. Our Savior Jesus Christ. Angels. The list could go on and on but those are definitely at the top.
I feel almost like a cat. I think I have 9 lives but each time I come back I get slower and a little less cool. haha I think 3 strokes puts me at my last life but who knows?! I also love cat naps.
If i’m not a cat i’m definitely a circus act. Every doctor or person in the medical field is fascinated with all that I can do. I mean i’m pretty average but going through all that brain trauma makes me pretty incredible in their eyes, they all know I should be dead or at least severely crippled.
Whenever I talk about Heavenly Father, miracles, blessings, or strokes I cry. Last night during date night in while we watched Lord of the Rings, a scene hit home and got me crying. We had to rewatch it I was crying so hard, don’t worry I cried again while we rewatched it. It's just so relatable and poor Frodo didn't even want the ring!! I am so scared to go to Sacrament meeting on Sunday because I know I'm going to be a mess but I miss going to church so bad!
I think one of my biggest trials is over thinking. I think about everything. I see a mom playing with her little kid and I cry because I worry if I’ll ever be able to do that with Olivia. Simple things really get me. The unknown is frightening and literally keeps me up at night.
I mean this isn’t the greatest thing to ever happen, but in a way i’m grateful it did. It has given me perspective, clarification, direction and purpose. I have always been indecisive but now I know no body’s got time for that!! I’ve always loved my life and the people in it but now I REALLY love them. Like I tell them exactly how I feel whenever I see them. I’ve never been the greatest liar but now their is no chance I start laughing or spoil it before they can even try to believe it. I got my filter back so I don’t sing Ariana Grande songs on the fly anymore. hahaha I also don’t make therapy pizza anymore like I did in the hospital, sorry guys RuthAnne’s Pizza shop never had a chance-once I finish therapy you better believe I’m having a pizza party with chocolate pudding. Two of my favorites in the hospital! I’ve learned that brains are a big deal-like really big!
Goals:
-Walk up stairs with Olivia.
-Do 2 batches of laundry in 1 day.
-Go to the full 2! hours of church.
-Even if there are bad days try to switch it to a good one.
-Walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes every other day.
-Bake more, get those skills back girl you’ve got them in there!!
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